Let’s talk about savings and investments. No, I’m not referring to vintage doll and baseball card collections. Yes, I know theses are currently worth more than your retirement account. But that’s not my point. Besides, you can always delay retirement until your children are sufficiently well off to take care of you.
The first thing you should do is cancel any and all subscriptions to investment newsletters. Why? Well, did any of these geniuses tell you to sell your stocks before the bear market set in? I didn’t think so. There’s no reason to continue paying for bad investment advice. You can do just as well, if not better, by following your intuition.
The next action you’ll want to take deals with your employer (assuming you still have one). Do you receive earnings alerts and corporate updates about company stock? I bet so did Enron employees. And we know how well that worked out for them. Any time your employer conducts an emotionally-charged, upbeat earnings conference call you should short the stock.
While I’m on the subject of stocks, my best suggestion would be to avoid these securities in favor of buying garden seed.
Diversify your investments. This, naturally, means you’ll need to establish an eBay account.
When it comes to real estate, buy apartment futures.
I’ve no idea what to advise you about oil and gas. That ship has already left the Middle East, if you catch my wave. Otherwise, I’d recommend you purchase a refinery.
My thoughts about bonds are simple; you should refrain, if at all possible, from ever having to post one.
What about gold? All I can say is this; now who’s stupid for installing those over-the-top bathroom fixtures? Remember the gals you called idiots for wearing jewelry fashioned from Krugerrands? Yeah. Some fads turn out to be prophetic.
Finally, I have to admit I don’t understand the appeal of insurance and annuities. Why would you want to wager a bet in which the other party wins if you die? That’s seems self-explanatory, so I won’t elaborate any further. Besides, Guido The Actuary and I have an agreement.