Totally Skewed: What the financial bailout means to you

 

Apparently, I haven’t been charging, debting or living largely enough because no one has offered to provide me a bailout from my bills. My financial footprint isn’t big enough to matter. If I filed bankruptcy, I simply wouldn’t knock a huge enough dent in the economy to warrant a federal rescue. But trust me, the chocolate industry would feel my pain.

So let me get this straight. I receive a $650 tax incentive check, and financial conglomerates get $700 billion? Can we charge them 21% interest on unpaid balances and 3% for each debt transfer? Seems only fair.

Where will the proposed $700 billion to fix the financial markets come from? Oh, yes. That’s right. The government can simply print money when they need it. And theoretically I can too—at least until I get sent to prison.

Seven hundred billion dollars! (I never thought about it before, but trees really do grow money because currency is printed on paper.) I’m wondering. How many trees is that?

Basically we’re moving from a buy-now-pay-later system to a print-now-tax-later plan. However, we do have choices: we can have a recession or suffer a depression. I’d prefer a do-over.

Those in the know claim the floundering financial institutions are simply too big to let fail. What’s next? Federal emergency loans to folks like Oprah, Donald Trump and Wal-Mart? Where do we go from here? Other than to tent cities.

Young people, listen up. It’s time to start saving now for your parents’ retirement. It’s too late for them to salvage this shipwreck. Sure, those near retirement age could choose to work longer. Though if that happened, you’d have to speak even louder than you do now when talking to call center representatives. And every corner Starbuck’s and McDonald’s would have a greeter.

Welcome to reality.

 

 

Read more humor like this at www.franklyfunny.com and www.totallyskewed.com.

 

 

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4 Comments

Filed under health and beauty, life, opinion, politics, Uncategorized, women, writing

4 responses to “Totally Skewed: What the financial bailout means to you

  1. joe martinsen

    Dam right! My credit card went to 34% !!!! No joke! I stoped paying! Thats what Iam talking about!!

  2. This bailout represents the largest transfer of wealth from the pockets of the middle class to the the wealthiest American corporations in the history of mankind. Along with it goes the power of a select few over the financial welfare of the nation and the world. I just hope Americans wake up in time to see the power grab that hides behind this fiasco. My only hope for justice lies in thinking President Obama will raise taxes on these thieves and elite money changers, so that the taxpayers will at least get a share of their money back.

  3. totallyskewed

    Oh, yes, and one more thing. Can we charge those who receive the bailout a monthly statement fee, too?

  4. Anne LaBelle

    There’s a lot of truth in this. Thanks for the “skewed” view on a very serious situation!

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