Plumbing the Presidential Debate

 

Here is my overview of the Presidential debate that took place on October 15, 2008. Candidates Barack Obama and John McCain spoke right after the Dow Jones Industrial Average had crashed more than 700 points, yet neither man appeared to have noticed.

Barack Obama stated that he wants to “spread the wealth,” though he did not explain where he expected to find any.

John McCain insisted he wasn’t President George Bush, after apparently having feared that Obama believes all white, male Republicans look alike.

In terms of word repetition, the winning phrase goes to “Joe the Plumber,” a proper noun that was uttered roughly 389 times, unless I missed a few. This term was followed closely by the words “hurt”, “angry”, “new direction”, and “ninety-five.”

Both candidates stated they wanted to move “in a new direction,” though neither indicated which direction that might be.

McCain and Obama each have a plan to help 95% of American families, making it clear that the other 5% can pretty much kiss their keisters goodbye regardless of who wins this election.

McCain said he’d be the better one to balance the budget because he “knows how to save billions.” However, Obama proved he better knows how to save face.

On the education forefront, Obama said he’d fix the education system by doing something or other with the economy and military might, which really had nothing to do with higher learning. He added that he’s a proponent of charter schools and said that every person in this country who wants to attend college should be able to afford to go (whether or not they’re sufficiently equipped to graduate).

McCain said he believes in school vouchers, that he’d get rid of poorly performing teachers, and that he’d make it easier for non-certified, ex-military personnel to enter the teaching field. While it was not immediately evident how this would help improve education, obviously this would increase the supply of teachers ready for classroom combat.

Most of the debate discussions were targeted specifically to someone both candidates referred to as “Joe the Plumber.” Unfortunately, Joe couldn’t be there to hear their remarks. It’s rumored that Joe had been called away to fix a major sewer break in a pipeline running between the Federal Reserve, U.S. Treasury and several banks.

Moderator Bob Schieffer closed the debate by saying, “Go vote now.” After his microphone was switched off, he likely added, “Before these characters confuse you any more.”

 

 

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2 Comments

Filed under entertainment, humor, opinion, politics, Random thoughts, Uncategorized, writing

2 responses to “Plumbing the Presidential Debate

  1. Palin and McCain are just what the doctor ordered to carry on George W. Bush’s legacy… McCain’s got the current president’s love for oil and warmongering while Palin’s got being the clueless, political pawn aspect covered

  2. Christian

    Three quarters brilliant.

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