Hooray! The Recession is Finally Over!

Celebration. Glasses of champagne and wine in hands.

According to Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernake, the recession is “likely over.” Yes, I know you may feel otherwise, so let me interpret Ben The Visionary’s remark. What he really means is this: The recession is over for those who invest in the U.S. stock market, especially the financials, but live somewhere else, like, oh, say maybe Mumbai.

For the rest of us, Ben says to expect a “jobless recovery,” because, of course, like I just said, any newly created jobs will, in all probability, be outsourced. 

American consumers who once represented 70 percent of the nation’s GDP will no longer be relevant in the now recovering economy. The future drivers of our country’s economic health will be stock and commodities speculators and executives with obscene bonuses. 

It doesn’t really matter whether you’re employed. As long as tax burdens are shifted to behemoth corporations and “rich fat cats,” whatever you once paid the IRS is, quite frankly, now of little significance. Especially since you’re looking at years of unemployment or underemployment ahead. Already you’ve been squeezed for about as much as can be gained from you. It’s time to put the tax burden on someone else. 

To summarize, the recession is officially over. The man who precisely called the beginning of this downturn—give or take a year—has spoken. So please resume your normal life concerns and forget about your broken savings accounts, lost careers, abysmal home values, and, most importantly, your government representatives’ responsibilities.







Filed under humor, life, opinion, politics, Random thoughts, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Hooray! The Recession is Finally Over!

  1. And I believe in Santa Claus, Ben Bernake. You are so so……wrong!!!
    This country will be broke (bank rupt) before the end of this year if you and the educated idiots in Washington DC have their way. Don’t let the House and Senate pass anything until these idiots realize what us, american’s, are saying.

  2. Wow, how depressing. But it makes sense. Once jobs open up in the next year or so, they will be outsourced to people who will work for 1/5 what americans will work for. Say goodbye to the good old days. Sure, the recession is over for some and some never were effected by the recession. Top executives will work for 1/3 of what they used to make and the middle class will become the poor. The poor……………well, say hello to no jobs, a blown up housing market, rising costs and increased crime as well. All we need now is another disaster and this country will be turned on its head.

    All you people who profited in the housing farce, I hope it was worth it.

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