I watched a funny Youtube video about the differences between author book signings and book club visits (see the link at the end of this post), and I remembered having written down many of the silly remarks bookstore visitors have said to me during signings. Here are just a few of the comments I’ve received from customers while standing inside a bookstore, next to a table filled with my books and a poster that says “Author signing today” :
“Do you sell lottery tickets here?”
“Where are the restrooms?”
(Asked by a man who was staring at my breasts) “Do you sell bookends?”
“Can I give you my Barnes & Noble number?”
“Can’t I just pay you? Why do I have to stand in that long checkout line?”
“When is your NEXT book coming out?” (This person didn’t buy the one currently offered.)
(After I’ve tried to hand the customer a free bookmark) “I only like the PRETTY kind, the kind you pay for.”
“I could have written THAT book!”
“This looks like a chick book. Is it?”
“Have you read (fill in any Oprah’s Book Club selection)?”
“I’ve been thinking of writing a book. Where should I start.” (It was all I could do to keep from answering “with the first word.”)
“How do I get to the restroom?” (On foot and quickly? )
“My book got published and I only sold TWO copies.” (Gee, I wonder why?)
“Is this at the library? Because if it is, I’ll read it there.”
“I ordered a book over a week ago! When is it coming in?” (The lady was asking about another author’s book.)
(Man looking at stack of books) “You’re GIVING these away?”
“Is this on Amazon?”
“Do you work here?”
(An elderly man) “Has anyone ever told you that you look like one of the Lennon Sisters?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Shirley McClain?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Carol Burnett?”
“Has anyone ever told you that you look like Vicki Lawrence?”
“There used to be a woman who looked like you, but I forgot her name.”
(Responding to a funny grilling story that’s in my book) “Someone needs to do something about charcoal lighter fluids! They’re destroying the air!”
“Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road? ( the title of one of my books) Ha-ha-ha-ha! I do that all the time!” (These people scare me.)
“Just make it out to my wife.” (Man who doesn’t provide wife’s name)
I have another book signing tomorrow night, after which I’m sure I’ll have more material to add to this list.
Here’s the link to the video I mentioned earlier: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SufkZyIp5Fw
Diana Estill’s latest book is titled Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life.
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