Tag Archives: funny books

Free Kindle Book: Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life

TODAY, Monday, December 19,  Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life is free on Kindle. Don’t miss out. Here’s the link: http://www.amazon.com/Deedee-Divines-Totally-Skewed-ebook/dp/B0028AEDE4.

 

Merry Christmas!

Diana

 

 

 

 

 

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Award-winning humor book now $2.99 on Kindle

I know how much Kindle owners (I’m one) appreciate a good read at a low price, so I’ve just made both my humor books available on Amazon for the low list price of $2.99.  But it gets better! Amazon is discounting Driving (not sure for how long) to $1.99!

Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road: Humorous Views on Love, Lust, & Lawn Care includes tales of misadventures in travel, home repairs, and everyday life.

 

Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life offers wacky wisdom and advice to help conquer life’s daily annoyances. Deedee (my alter ego) explains why women won’t read maps, Bubbas build the best burgers, and wise men should never use the B-word, “budget.”  A ForeWord Book of the Year Finalist.

These titles are available in paperback too.

Thank you for checking out my books!

Diana

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Can funny books offer a message?

“What’s the message you’re trying to get across with your books?” my marketing guru friend Kadena asked.

 

Message? Did I have one? If so, it must have been a subconscious desire. I thought I was hoping simply to entertain readers with my stories. I’ve said that “I help find the fun in life’s frustrations.” But perhaps there was something more going on. Maybe it was time to reexamine my intent.

 

If I’m being honest, I have to admit that I write most of my humor essays as a form of personal therapy. As one who has a magnetic attraction to calamities, I write to cope with chaos. Life for me and my brood often turns crazy, complicated and confusing. And when it does, I stop and ponder this question: What’s funny about this?

 

If I think about most any situation long enough, my anxiety, anger, or compulsion to consume an entire box of sugar cookies in one sitting passes. Before I know it, I’m laughing at the very events that earlier might have left me contemplating revenge or, at a minimum, a retaliatory shopping spree. Just ask my husband about the ring I purchased while he was on a solo trip to New York. Yeah, I don’t get mad. I get jewelry.

 

Anyway, in tracing a positive (as opposed to a precious gemstone) path through undesirable situations, I’m leaving a trail for others to follow.

 

Jack Canfield summed it best in his book, The Success Principles: How to Get from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be, when he cited the formula “E+R = O.” This equation signifies that life events, plus our reactions to those events, equal the resulting outcomes.

 

At some time, we all suffer undesired or unintended situations. That’s just part of the human experience. We can’t always control life, but we can take charge of how we respond to the events that occur. If we hold on to these negative experiences, fret about them, rehash the perceived injustice or unfairness we’ve endured, then we’ll have an entirely different outcome than we might if we dealt differently with our emotions.

 

There is no better way to overcome life’s annoyances than to laugh at them. When we become amused with ourselves and our foibles, then we are free to move forward in a new direction. With fewer accessories, perhaps, but still….

 

If there is an overall lesson in my stories and books, then learning to find the levity that’s sometimes hidden in life’s challenges is it. I strive to follow this practice (though often with scant success). “We teach best that which we most need to learn.”

 

I have to keep sharing my silly tales so I can move closer to my desired level of harmony. No doubt, many readers will arrive well ahead of me. I’m a terribly slow learner. But as long as I’m laughing, I’ll be okay.

 

 

Diana Estill (aka Deedee Divine) is the author of Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life.

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Totally Skewed: Thoughts on Regifting

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I’m fairly certain that regifting originated from the need to dispose of a fruitcake. From there it branched out and became an ideal solution for eliminating all kinds of unwanted presents. Subsequently, entire industries have suffered.

As each new recipient acquired a regifted item, he or she then was able to eliminate one cheap and thoughtless purchase from a holiday shopping list. Think of it as multi-level sales in reverse. Manufacturers were forced to produce fewer goods, which in turn led to the nation’s decline in GNP (Gross Needless Products). In fact, rumor has it that only one smoked sausage log has been made in the United States since 1978. Thus, regifting has become the bane of our economy.

If we’d all stop repetitively selecting the same purchases every year, then maybe we could put an end to this cycle of defeat. Just because every sales brochure we receive is hawking bathrobes at 50 percent off doesn’t mean that anyone really needs one. Why do you think they’re half-price and labeled “one size fits all”?

A terrycloth robe will be circulated through an entire extended family before someone donates it to the nearest homeless shelter. The same can be said for scarf and glove sets. Few Texas residents need a set of fleece-lined mitts. If you want to protect your loved ones here from harsh weather conditions, consider sending them lip balm and sunscreen.

This brings me to another ill-suited gift choice: throw blankets. I don’t care if they are camo-print or have been made from those new super-soft petroleum-based fabrics. Grandpa doesn’t sneak up on deer when he’s sitting in his recliner. And polar fleece might very well be the single greatest factor contributing to global oil shortages. Besides, nothing says “You look like a person who has no social life” better than a blanket. This, too, is sure to be passed along until it’s eventually claimed for dog bedding.

Speaking of possessions that guys don’t actually use, here’s another senseless acquisition—the auto emergency flashlight equipped with a ball peen hammer. Ladies, if the car breaks down, do you really want your man out there standing on the side of the road, fumbling in the dark, and trying to fix a vehicle with a demolition tool? And even if you are sadistic enough to answer yes to that question, that’s not how these situations typically unfold. Most men would turn on the overhead dome light, flip open their cell phone, and dial AAA.

Women aren’t the only ones who have difficulty making purchases for the opposite sex. Here’s a tip for men who are shopping for their spouses: Ladies are not infatuated with sharp objects the way you are. Don’t bother buying a knife set for your wife unless you mean to encourage sinister thoughts.

Furthermore, the cutlery industry has yet to recover from a butcher block steak knife set that someone purchased in 1982. This testosterone-laden object has since appeared at every bridal shower in the South. (Last seen, it was being offered on eBay by a seller whose name rhymes with “hobbit.”)

Finally, let me offer a few words about loofah sponges: STOP GIVING THEM TO ME!

I’m sorry. I just had to get that out.

Similar to other females, I love smelling like freesia, though I’m not sure what that is. But I don’t need a nylon scouring pad to apply my scented lotions and bath gels. These objects are fillers sold to the average consumer who believes there’s a need for all this colorful netting. Apparently, this includes most anyone who’s ever walked past the entrance of a Bath & Body Works.

While I can’t get enough vanilla scented creams and soaps, I’ve had to dedicate an entire linen closet to the storage of unused loofah sponges. The problem here is that, despite regifting, I can’t stay ahead of the influx of new arrivals.

Ultimately, regifting must be reduced to restore the financial health of our economy. The country’s GNP depends upon all of us doing our part to make better informed purchases this season.

As to what to do with your unwanted bath aids, I can only suggest upgrading your home to one that includes more storage space. Nobody needs a loofah sponge. And our slumping real estate market could use the assistance.

 

Excerpted from Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life, by Diana Estill.  Available now from Amazon.com.

 

www.TotallySkewed.com

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Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life

It’s a …?

 

Oh, I couldn’t wait to share my new baby news! A book has been born! She is 5.5” X 8.5”, weighs less than 1 lb., has her mother’s image (and sense of humor), and has just been released from the printer. Join me in welcoming Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life to the world!

 

Description:  From holiday hazards to riffs on road trips and the decline in our nation’s GNP (“Gross Needless Products”), humorist Diana Estill turns loose her hilarious alter ego Deedee to share outrageous advice. Deedee explains why women won’t read maps, Bubbas build the best burgers, and wise men never use the B-word, “budget.”

 

What others are saying:  Well, okay, the book just rolled off the UPS truck—so there’s not yet a lot to report. However, Susan Reinhardt, author of Dishing with the Kitchen Virgin, did provide a blurb. Here’s what she said, “Reading Deedee Divine’s Totally Skewed Guide to Life is like spending an afternoon with your craziest girlfriend, only the laughs are harder and the credit card damages are gentler.”

 

Available now at Amazon.com: http://www.amazon.com/Deedee-Divines-Totally-Skewed-Guide/dp/0979970814  

and

 

 

Here’s the new addition’s photo:

 

 totallyskewedcoversmall

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